Pretend to Forget

I reach out but grab nothing. Memories clash with fantasies and hang solemnly over my head. With every embrace the emptiness that I coral seeps into my heart.

Waking moments block reality, instinct reaches out. Warm arms search for friendship… like emotions they turn cold and drop. Mind awakes as reality hits… a sorrowful slumber takes me once again…

When I was young I was a gentleman, my thoughts were only of holding hands and giving flowers. A bouquet of wild flowers each flower picked special; My childhood a bouquet of innocence.

Scarred by hope, my heart got calloused. Bruised by love my heart got weak. Always looking for that someone special but like a mirage when I get the closest, it disappears. I see it in the distance, just a shimmer then as I get closer I can almost begin to feel it, until the point where I believe and it vanishes

My last touch of love still haunts me; I get a chill to reach out my hand. How can a heart change so quickly why does love always end? I feel the swelling of self pity, which I used to push away. In the hardest time in my life I found courage relearning life.

I developed a strong mind and dulled senses. Why do I engage in sorrow- Why do I relive the pain…? Is it because it’s my only memory of love? Or do I just want to pretend to feel again?

Emotions are quickly suppressed like the breaking of a wave. Could I remember the last time I cried?  Could I pretend to forget? I wear a mask of self confidence, I dance and smile. Will I ever find a girl who sees through it? Will I let her in?